The Book of Refreshments


Chapter 30 – After

Wherein the Visions of Quad of the Blue Mountains are described.

Verses 22 through 36

22. From the ocean did come a Humongous Lobster wearing a blue party hat, and in its claws it held a brightly wrapped box of notable dimension.

23. Seeing the box, the people did cry out for it to be opened but the Humongous Lobster denied them.

24. Four times did the people cry out, and four times were they snubbed by the Humongous Lobster.

25. Then did one who had been brought up properly say “please”.

26. The Humongous Lobster then put down the great box and did tear the wrapping paper.

27. A great sound was heard, like the blowing of a great party horn, and a third of the people did drop their napkins.

28. Again did the people ask that the box be opened, and nicely this time.

29. Then did the Humongous Lobster remove the lid from the great box.

30. A second great sound was heard, and a third of the people did spill red punch upon the crotch of their pants.

31. The sky became dark as licorice, and the air was filled with the smoke of a thousand candles.

32. A dark cake was taken from the box, and it was topped with flames that could not be extinguished, and a chorus of voices filled the air.

33. From the people came a leader with a sword of purest silver, and with this sword did he cleave the cake.

34. A third great sound was heard, and the flames were put out, and all those around were compelled to eat of the dark cake.

35. Then were the people driven mad by the dark cake, and the leader did have them engage in strange rituals involving chairs and blindfolds and animals made of brightly colored paper.

36. And the leader did take all of the really nifty things from the people and gave them in exchange small identical bags of treats, and there was much wailing and woe.